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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Three

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  Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Three If you have not read Part One , begin here. If you have not read Part Two , begin here.   Session Three: Our Relationship: Past and Present When Yvonne, Sally and I greeted one another, there was a noticeable lightness in the air. Although I felt a sense of relief, I knew that processing the questions from their homework also required additional vulnerability and complete honesty. After a few moments of small talk, we dove into the assignment. I reminded Yvonne and Sally that after each one shared her answers, the other would again utilize the “reflective listening phrases” when responding. The six questions were arranged in a specific order. Although no one question was easier than another, the serious nature around each question deepened from #1 to #6, as did its potential for healing the relationship moving forward. The first few questions centered around how Daughter and Mother each felt about herself in her ro

Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Two

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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Two If you have not read Part One , please begin reading.  Session Two: The Me You Cannot See A week later, Yvonne and Sally entered my office.   Immediately, a thick anxious energy filled the room. We settled into our chairs, with Yvonne and Sally facing one another. I sat to the side between them. I began the session with some deep breathing exercises. We closed our eyes, relaxed our bodies, and released the tense energy among us. In our private sessions, Yvonne had shared with me that whenever she tried to talk to her mom in the past about the abuse, her mom always defended or excused her behaviors around not protecting Yvonne.   So, before Yvonne shared her betrayal narrative, I provided Sally with a list of “reflective listening phrases” – such as “I hear you saying ….” Or “Could you tell me more…I want to understand…“   I also modeled this reflective listening skill for Sally as she would be asked to respond to her daug

Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part One

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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part One  Introduction As a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years, until several weeks ago I had never witnessed in a therapeutic session such profound healing and hope that took place between a daughter and her mother.   Both women were vulnerable – filled with “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” (Brene Brown).   Both women were brave. Both women were willing to trust the process. The Daughter and Mother session was an extension of my work with my client – the Daughter, who I will call Yvonne . In a prior blog, Shame: It Was Never Yours To Carry , I introduced Yvonne as a young woman who described the genesis of her painful, abusive childhood in words I had never before heard: “I was born into Shame.” In our ensuing sessions, Yvonne demonstrated her commitment and courage to her recovery. She and I processed her layers of Shame. Throughout her entire life as a child, adolescent, and teen years, Yvonne was a v

SHAME - It Was Never Yours To Carry

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I have been working in the field of psychology as a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years. In my work with clients healing from all kinds of abuse, trauma, and betrayal, I have never heard the words a client spoke to me a few weeks ago. They shook me to my core.   "I WAS BORN INTO SHAME"  As I do with most of my clients who are healing from painful wounding incurred within their families of origin, I tenderly begin by helping them peel away their Outer Layers of Shame.  The Outer Layers of Shame are the messages we tell oursleves about ourselves, our worth, and our value. These messages are formed from our life experiences.  You see, even though their injuries and injustices were inflicted upon them, it is human nature for victims to feel responsible, to feel it is their fault, and thus, to feel tremendous Shame. It is common to hear these life messages from clients: "I am not enough. I don't matter. I'm to blame. I am worthless." And so, it was d

Through A Mother's Eyes: Remembering My Son-In-Law DAVID B. PETERSON

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On Tuesday, May 9, 2023, my beloved son-in-law David B. Peterson passed away after suffering a complication incurred from a previous stroke. Over the weekend of May 23-25, David was honored with a Celebration of Life.  In their desire to further honor David's life, family and friends established the   David B. Peterson Memorial  through the Craig Foundation,  ( providing unparalleled neurorehabilitation and support for people who have sustained a life-altering brain and/or spinal cord injury by providing a safety net for patients and families whose financial means are inadequate to meet the financial burdens associated with ‘going home.’  Your contributions are welcomed and appreciated.  For twenty-two years, it was an honor to have David as a part of our family. We miss him. We love him. Through a Mother’s Eyes Remembering My Son-In-Law DAVID B. PETERSON   A sparkle emerged Landed in my daughter’s eyes Yes, love at first sight   His name is David He enters our fam

We Are Betraying Our Children and They Are Dying: Three Actions To Take Right Now

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 A Wake-up Call Parents and Guardians and anyone entrusted with the care and wellbeing of our children, today’s blog is A Wake-Up Call. On the news this last week, the CDC released a report titled  Youth Risk Behavior Survey . This was a two-year survey of 9 th – 12 th graders across the country about a range of health behaviors and experiences. The results also validate trends over the past decade. The statistics are startling but not surprising. 11% of all teens reported facing sexual violence in the past year. 18% of girls and 22% of LGBTQ youth. 60% of teen girls had depressive symptoms in the past year (highest level in a decade). Suicide rates have sky-rocketed. One in three girls reported seriously considering suicide in the past year (60% rise from a decade ago). Teen girls who experienced sexual violence increased 20% between 2017 and 2021. 52% of teens experienced poor mental health in the past year. One in five had attempted suicide during that time. Our

Inside "Glass Castles," Parents Betray Their Children

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I'm Holli Kenley. I work in the field of psychology as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I am the author of four books on BETRAYAL, and I consider myself a thought-leader on BETRAYAL Trauma and how to recover from it.  My TED Talk  BETRAYAL: The Loss No One Is Talking About  was recently released. When we think of BETRAYAL, for most of us our minds go to issues of infidelity. Sadly, it has been my experience that one of the most common forms of BETRAYAL is not infidelity --  it is Parental Betrayal.  Currently in my private practice, all my adult clients have been victims of Parental Betrayal - p rimary caregivers (parents or guardians) who were encharged with loving and protecting their children and who failed to do so. In fact, for most of my clients their caregivers are the perpetrators -- individuals who   inflicted harm and abuse upon them. Or, caregivers were aware of their children being abused by a family member or relative (or other individuals),  and they did not