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Couple Trouble? Day 3 - Rediscover and Reconnect!

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For the past several weeks, we have been discussing Couple Trouble -What Is At The Root Of It? and You Mean, "I" Have To Change?  If you have not read the previous two blogs, please do so! Today's blog will make more sense and the exercises will be more meaningful. Once both partners have finished the Life Messages Exercise - completing all five sections - you are ready to Rediscover and Reconnect with one another. Let's get started.


First, set aside an hour when both partners are available to meet. Make sure there are no interruptions or distractions.  Kids need to be put to bed or safely occupied. Put away all technology and/or work commitments!  Find a quiet comfortable place to meet and sit, facing each other. Bring your Life Messages Exercises to share with your partner.
Secondly, follow the steps in the Empathic Reflective Listening Exercise.  One partner begins while the other listens.There is no interrupting, for any reason.The first partner shares for about 2…

Couple Trouble? Day 2 - You Mean, "I" Have To Change?

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Last time, we discussed an extremely important cause when it comes to Couple Trouble. Please go back and read Couple Trouble? What's At The Root Of It? This will give you a better understanding of today's blog. And, please complete the exercise on life messages. However, before we move on, I want to answer a really good question that was asked by a reader!

Holli, aren't most of the problems that couples have - like arguments, personality conflicts, opposing needs or priorities, personal or relational stresses, parenting disagreements, and even unhealthy behaviors such as addictions or obsessions - a manifestation (an outcome) of each partner's painful life messages?  

In my opinion, yes (*see note below). In fact, aside from genetic predispositions and/or from organic pathology or psychosis or excluding life-altering events or diagnoses, I believe that most couples find themselves in trouble because of their innate integration of their maladaptive life messages into the…