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Showing posts from September, 2013

Let's Talk About Relapse - Day 18 - The Gifts of Relapse!

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We have spent the past 17 weeks discussing relapse!  Wow! Every time I have sat down to write, I think to myself, "What I have to say today about relapse is so important! I hope I choose the right words, and I hope I get the message across!" Most importantly, because of our shared suffering from relapse, I also hope these blog posts have been a positive contributor to your recovering process by imparting healing principles and tools. And, as we bring this discussion of relapse to a close, for now, I hope you will take some time to reflect upon this final lesson - The Gifts of Relapse.


It is often said,  "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." Over the past several months, we have discussed the anatomy of relapse. We named and pealed away the layers of shame and we tenderly addressed the inner core of shame; we thoroughly identified internal and external triggers and assessed their impact upon us; we confronted the masks o…

Let's Talk About Relapse - Day 17 - External Forgiveness

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In the previous blog, we discussed the importance of forgiveness in relapse recovery.  We also examined different ways to redefine the word forgiveness and  to re-frame its definition in order to facilitate its implementation into our recovery practices. Lastly, we discussed the concept ofinternal forgiveness - forgiveness of self - one piece in the process of letting go of unhealthy emotions which keep us bound in our relapse and tethered to our betrayal of self. Today, we are going to address the second part of the releasing process - external forgiveness - forgiveness of other people, places, and things.
With the understanding that we alone are responsible for our choices and decisions that have led us into our relapse episode or period of regression into unhealthy behaving, thinking or feeling, it is also important to recognize that there may be destructive outside influences or on-going painful relationships that trigger us, contributing to our weakened state. Thus, in order to e…

Let's Talk About Relapse - Day 16 - Internal Forgiveness

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Forgiveness is a practice that is commonly used in many aspects of our lives, and yet, I think it is one that many of us struggle with. Over the years working with clients in therapy, frequently I would hear the words, "Holli, why should I forgive him?  He doesn't deserve it!"  Or, "Why should I let her off the hook?   She destroyed my life!"  Or, "How can I forgive them? Look at the injustice that has been committed?" Or, "I know I need to forgive myself. But I can't. I don't deserve it."

Although  you may have heard this before, I need you to hear what I am about to say.  This is extremely important.
 Forgiveness is not about or for the other person or thing.  Forgiveness is about and for you.   As long as we hold on to our anger, resentment, bitterness, or disappointment towards other people and things or even towards ourselves, we remain tethered to them and to those toxic emotions. Most importantly, we sabotage our own healing! U…