Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit? What is behind the mask?

We are talking about betrayal.  If you missed last week's blog, take a minute a read Blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit? Hold on...Help is on the way! Today, we are going to continue breaking through betrayal by finding out what is going on when we say the words "I feel so betrayed".  It's pretty common that when the word betrayal is mentioned, most minds go to issues of infidelity. Of course, it includes breaking trust in a relationship, but sadly there are many other kinds of betrayal .  Let's take a look and see...

 What is behind the mask of the betrayal bandit!?

As we peel away the bandit's mask, we will discover there are three faces of betrayal. When we say the words, "I feel so betrayed", we have been blindsided by one of more of them. 

#1 - We have invested into someone or something. Our investment was met with rejection or abandonment.



Rejection or Abandonment

This  investment into someone or something could be a romantic relationship, a friendship, a job or profession, an educational opportunity, a personal ability or talent, or an organization or group. Although there is connection to grief, many times the death of someone or the demise of something feels like a betrayal because of our tremendous investment and the way in which the person or thing was taken from us. Whoever or whatever it is or was - you invested of yourself and your resources - and it was dismissed, destroyed, or discarded without concern for your feelings or well-being. It is devastating.

#2 - We hold a profound trust in someone or something which is profoundly violated. 


A Violation of Trust

I am purposely using the word "profound" because we can have trust in something or someone (at a low level) and not feel betrayed.  However, when we place our innate trust into an individual who is entrusted with our well-being,  or when we build trust over time into someone or something and that profound trust is abused, violated, or manipulated to serve the needs of someone or something else - we feel betrayed. Examples of this kind of betrayal are experienced in personal violations, but also in professional, relational, legal, financial, political, environmental, medical, and spiritual abuses as well. Tragically, with this kind of betrayal, lives are robbed and redefined. The losses incurred are also profound.  


#3 -  A truth becomes a lie or a belief is shattered.


Shattered Beliefs

At first, this face of betrayal may seem just like the others. And there is cross-over.  But, there are some differences. Let's take a closer look.

* A belief  that someone or something is who he/she/it represents him/her/itself to be - but is not.
* A belief in someone or something - an expectation, a standard, a quality, a principle which proves false or less significant.
* A belief about someone or something - based on fact, history, research, or experience which is later negated. 

Regardless of the source of the betrayal, when beliefs are shattered or truths become lies, lives are changed and rearranged. What we once knew to be true is no longer. Our perspectives are altered and the  lens from which we now view our world is foreign and unfamiliar.We feel lost.

The purpose of sharing these faces of betrayal is to broaden our knowledge and awareness. To be able to name our pain and understand there is a reason behind it helps us  muster up the strength to move forward. We are not going crazy! We have every right to feel the way we do! 

I have more explanations of these faces of betrayal, along with numerous examples and client narratives in 2nd Edition Breaking Through Betrayal . Also, there are exercises designed specifically to help you identify and process the faces of your betrayal. This is the first step in breaking through betrayal. 

Let's rip off the mask, get to know what is going on with us, and then get ready to do some work!

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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit? Hold on...Help is on the way!

Betrayal is an ugly word.  Worse yet is experiencing it. It's life-shattering and life-altering. Nothing is the same after a betrayal or many betrayals. It's like an earthquake has gone off inside us; everything imploding at once. We can taste, hear, see, smell and feel the devastation. It consumes us.


If you have been blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit, the purpose of the next series of blogs is not to depress you even more!  I promise!  The purpose is to bring you hope and healing.  I know betrayal well.  I experienced it as a young girl and  I became well-acquainted with it as an adult. I've worked with many clients who experienced all kinds of betrayal.  I've studied betrayal and analyzed it. I've spent hours upon hours dissecting its anatomy so that I could figure out what is going on with us when we are betrayed. Then, I set out on a mission to design a healing program tailored specifically for recovery from betrayal. And now, I want to share my knowledge and findings with you!

I'm not going to tell you it will be easy. Recovery never is.  But I will tell you this - I know healing from betrayal is possible if you are willing to do the work. I know because I've done it. I know it because I've had the awesome privilege of witnessing countless brave clients do the same.


From the Introduction -2nd Edition Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering The Peace Within

Some time ago, during a counseling session, a young married mother of two sat across from me with tears streaming down her face. We had spent months working together. She was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by her older brother. She had endured the unimaginable for years; she had worked tirelessly on her recovery to become a more vibrant and whole woman. She thought she was navigating on safe ground. But recently, her mother, who had never believed the abuse took place, betrayed my client, again.
“I thought that after all this time and all the trouble my brother had had with the law, my mom would believe me. I mean, my brother has just been arrested again, after sexually abusing his girlfriend’s daughter. My mom still thinks he is innocent! She is putting up his bail money and paying for his attorney. I told her he is sick! He is guilty! I told her he did the same thing to me! All she said was to ‘get out’. She wants nothing more to do with me. How can this happen…what is wrong with her?”
My client dissolved in front of my very eyes. Betrayal had engulfed her, suffocated her, and sucked the life out of her. At this moment, the bundle of benign scar tissue that dwelled within her began to explode, fueled by the most recent injection of rejection. Clearly, our work was not done and, if left unattended, this client would succumb to the malignancy of despair. 



...Betrayal does not just go away or heal by itself over time. While betrayal takes residence within yoursoul and spirit, it disrupts and interrupts your quality of life. I have witnessed hurt people who have become cynical, resentful, and bitter; others become more vulnerable, self-doubting, and thus easily re-injured; still other injured persons resort to unhealthy, destructive means to cope. And sadly, some pain-filled people invite additional harm to themselves after becoming less resistant to debilitating physical and mental illness.
It is time to give your heart a rest and your spirit a repose.  It is time for you to move into a healthier, peaceful place of release, relief, and recovery. 
While I will be providing you with critical pieces of informative and restorative information in this blog series, of course I would love it if you would pick up a copy of  2nd Edition BTB ! It is not a "feel good book". It is a "book designed to put you to work", so that you can and will break through your betrayal and recover the peace within. 
For now - Hold on....Help is on the way! 
Betrayal has redefined our lives far too long. It is time to change that.






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