WellnessWithHolli

  Dedicated to my Fellow Speakers  ~ Holli Kenley One year ago Twelve Speakers gathered together Excited. Eager to share their messages   Six months of preparation and practice Leading to this moment in time A TEDx Talk.  A Dream   They knew early on They shared a common theme Compassion. Caring. Giving to others   The audience gathered Confusion. Tech issues. Nerves. Each took the stage Each radiant voice illuminating a strand of possibilities – Learning.  Healing. Transforming   Voices of Courage to Change Charlene teaching truths about domestic violence, offering concrete tools for a path to freedom Holli providing new insight into shame and relapse, offering an empathic approach for a path to healing Veronica inspiring others to rewrite their painful stories, offering empowering steps for a path to  positivity   Voices of Commitment to Self- Care Martina shifting perspectives on the power of ...

I'm so excited! On March 30th, 2024,  I will be participating in the  Ms. Senior California Age of Elegance Pageant! Before you chuckle or secretly judge me, I want you to know that I am doing this because I have learned the importance of Showing Up For My Self! And not just as a senior female, but throughout my entire adult life. And so, I pose this question to you – Are You Showing Up For Your Self ?   3  Reasons For Doing So! One: You Respect Your Self When you show up for Your Self,   You Respect Your Self.   This means that you take really good care of Your Self in all areas of your life.   For example, you make it a priority to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You Respect Your Self by pursuing your interests, abilities, and talents. You Respect Your Self by staying true to who you are and what is important to you. There are many reasons why individuals don't take good care of themselves or lose interest in doing so...

Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Two If you have not read Part One , please begin reading.  Session Two: The Me You Cannot See A week later, Yvonne and Sally entered my office.   Immediately, a thick anxious energy filled the room. We settled into our chairs, with Yvonne and Sally facing one another. I sat to the side between them. I began the session with some deep breathing exercises. We closed our eyes, relaxed our bodies, and released the tense energy among us. In our private sessions, Yvonne had shared with me that whenever she tried to talk to her mom in the past about the abuse, her mom always defended or excused her behaviors around not protecting Yvonne.   So, before Yvonne shared her betrayal narrative, I provided Sally with a list of “reflective listening phrases” – such as “I hear you saying ….” Or “Could you tell me more…I want to understand…“   I also modeled this reflective listening skill for Sally as she would be asked to ...

Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part One  Introduction As a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years, until several weeks ago I had never witnessed in a therapeutic session such profound healing and hope that took place between a daughter and her mother.   Both women were vulnerable – filled with “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” (Brene Brown).   Both women were brave. Both women were willing to trust the process. The Daughter and Mother session was an extension of my work with my client – the Daughter, who I will call Yvonne . In a prior blog, Shame: It Was Never Yours To Carry , I introduced Yvonne as a young woman who described the genesis of her painful, abusive childhood in words I had never before heard: “I was born into Shame.” In our ensuing sessions, Yvonne demonstrated her commitment and courage to her recovery. She and I processed her layers of Shame. Throughout her entire life as a child, adolescent, and teen years, ...

I have been working in the field of psychology as a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years. In my work with clients healing from all kinds of abuse, trauma, and betrayal, I have never heard the words a client spoke to me a few weeks ago. They shook me to my core.   "I WAS BORN INTO SHAME"  As I do with most of my clients who are healing from painful wounding incurred within their families of origin, I tenderly begin by helping them peel away their Outer Layers of Shame.  The Outer Layers of Shame are the messages we tell oursleves about ourselves, our worth, and our value. These messages are formed from our life experiences.  You see, even though their injuries and injustices were inflicted upon them, it is human nature for victims to feel responsible, to feel it is their fault, and thus, to feel tremendous Shame. It is common to hear these life messages from clients: "I am not enough. I don't matter. I'm to blame. I am worthless." And so, it was d...

On Tuesday, May 9, 2023, my beloved son-in-law David B. Peterson passed away after suffering a complication incurred from a previous stroke. Over the weekend of May 23-25, David was honored with a Celebration of Life.  In their desire to further honor David's life, family and friends established the   David B. Peterson Memorial  through the Craig Foundation,  ( providing unparalleled neurorehabilitation and support for people who have sustained a life-altering brain and/or spinal cord injury by providing a safety net for patients and families whose financial means are inadequate to meet the financial burdens associated with ‘going home.’  Your contributions are welcomed and appreciated.  For twenty-two years, it was an honor to have David as a part of our family. We miss him. We love him. Through a Mother’s Eyes Remembering My Son-In-Law DAVID B. PETERSON   A sparkle emerged Landed in my daughter’s eyes Yes, love at first sight  ...

Recently I gave a TED Talk - BETRAYAL: The Loss No One Is Talking About . At the beginning of  the talk I asked the audience two questions: "If you have ever felt betrayed, have you been told to give it time, to trust again, or to forgive? And if you tried any of those things, have you felt better....or bitter?" With over ten thousand hours in session as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working with clients healing from betrayal, I've heard from hundreds of individuals who have wondered why they still are stuck in the pain of their betrayal injury, even after they have forgiven their betrayer/s.  Based on years of researching and analyzing betrayal and on my professional experience, I believe Forgiveness Does Not Heal Betrayal. Here's Why. Healing From Betrayal - Concept #1 Practicing forgiveness may release the hold the betrayer has on you. But it does not heal the betrayal wound. I want to acknowledge that practicing forgiveness holds deep meaning in...

Have you ever felt betrayed?  If so, have you been told to give it time, to trust again, or to forgive and move on? And, if you tried any of those things, have you felt better or bitter? IF you have felt stuck in the pain of betrayal, I want you to know that there is a reason. Take a listen and find out what that is.  If you are ready to heal from your betrayal, I invite you to RIGHT YOURSELF with.. BREAKING THROUGH BETRAYAL: And Recovering The Peace Within Amazon Top 100 Books In Recovery (ACOA) For more healing resources, visit  Holli Kenley Follow us  Twitter ,  Instagram ,   Facebook

  Family Is Important and So Am I:  Part Three - Choose Your Sources of Respectful Support  and Loving Connection Today's blog is Part Three of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I. If you have not already read  Part One and Part Two , please do so and then return here. It is important to Choose Your Truth and Choose Your Health so that you can establish a solid foundation from which to Choose Your Sources of Respectful Support and Loving Connection.  This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselve s  still injured by family members .   Although we cannot change the unhealthy behaviors of others, we can choose our response to them.     L...

  Family Is Important and So Am I - Part Two:  Choose Your Health Today's blog is Part Two of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I. If you have not already read Part One , please do so and then return here. It is important to Choose Your Truth so that you can establish a foundation from which to Choose Your Health. This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselve s  still injured by family members .   Although we cannot change the unhealthy behaviors of others, we can choose our response to them.     Let's grab hold of another healing choice. It is time to stop hurting and… Choose Your Health As we have discussed in Part One, some families are heal...