Thursday, March 14, 2013

Women and Girls - How do you define and determine your worth?

Women and Girls...

If someone asks you how you define your worth, what would you say?  And if asked how you determine your worth - in other words - do you chose it or do you allow it to happen randomly, what would you say?

Take a minute and answer the first question.  How do you define your worth?  Be very honest with yourself. If you are not sure, do this simple exercise.  Draw a circle - let's call this your "worth circle". Inside the circle, divide it up into pieces that represent the people, places, things, jobs/careers, hobbies, any friendships or relationships, etc. that you invest into.  When we talk about investing, we mean your time, energy, and any resources that you put into someone or something.  When you are done, stop and look over the different percentages.  Although there will be exceptions, most likely the people, places, and things that you invest into more strongly will be the components that give you worth.

For example, if you spend a tremendous amount of time with your career, chances are this feeds into your sense of value or importance. Perhaps, you invest greatly into your relationships - with your spouse, partner, or with friends- this is an indication that these people bring meaning and purpose  into your life.  As you look over your worth circle, take notice if there are people and things that you are investing into that do not enhance or augment your worth or in fact diminish it! At the same time, pay attention to those people and things that do fuel your sense of value! This is important information.  You will want to keep this in mind as you move forward and make changes in your worth circle!
Let's take a look at the next question.  How do you determine your worth - do you chose it or do you allow it to happen randomly?  Yikes....this can be a scary question!  Don't worry.  You are not alone - most women and girls allow it to happen randomly.  Why?  Three reasons.  First, because many of us have voids, needs, insecurities, hidden wounds, issues around abandonment or rejection, etc., we don't feel good about ourselves.  Because our sense of worth is low to begin with, we wait for  others to give us value instead of seeking it out ourselves. Secondly, because of our feelings of worthlessness, we tend to be drawn to people and things that will fill those voids or needs or soothe those wounds.  Many times, we are attracted to individuals or things that are not healthy even though they seem to make us feel better about ourselves. Lastly, all in an attempt to feel better about ourselves, we often over-invest into relationships and things - healthy or unhealthy. Instead of filling up our sense of worth, over-investment depletes us! The good news is that if you are allowing other people and things to define or determine your worth, you can change that!   

Right now, make a "new worth circle"!  You can make deliberate choices about where, in what and in whom you are going to invest yourself and to what degree! And, you are going to work on divesting yourself or removing yourself from people and things that do not enhance or nourish your sense of worth!  As you are  making this  new worth circle, ask yourself this question, Who is the most  important female in your life?"  Do you know the answer? YOU!!!  Start now, fill in the circle by investing in you and in the people and things that you believe in - that are healthy - that build you up - that augment you - that allow you to respect yourself and your choices!!  And, start acting upon it, today!!

Remember, we are only as good for others as we are to ourselves! You are worth your investment!

Note - For more specific exercises and recovery work for developing your worth, please pick up a copy of  Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering The Peace Within (where you will find an entire chapter dedicated to "worthlessness").

For more information, please take a listen: Inspiration by Loretta

A conversation with Loretta to empower women and girls
 to know their worth through motivation, inspiration, and education.  

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