Sunday, April 10, 2016

Blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit? And feeling "Confused, Worthless, and Powerless"?!

We have been discussing betrayal. If you have not already done so, please read the previous two blogs to help you get acquainted with the Betrayal Bandit - Blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit? Hold on...Help is on the way.and Blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit? What is behind the mask? Today, we are going to tackle some really important information - Blindsided by the Betrayal Bandit? And feeling "Confused, Worthless, and Powerless"?  If you answered yes to any of these three feelings, read on.  You are not alone!  In fact, if you have been betrayed, you can expect to navigate through three debilitating and painful states:

The State of Confusion...The State of Worthlessness...The State of Powerlessness

Let's find out what is going on and why we are feeling this way! Let's get started.

#1 - State of Confusion 

When we are first betrayed, we enter into a State of Confusion.  Yes, we are in shock. And we are often in denial.  However, in this chaos of confusion, we are desperately trying to find out why as we frantically search for answers, and we are trying to make sense out of something which does not make sense. We believe if we could only get an explanation as to how or why we were betrayed, we might feel better. We think if we could begin to understand how something or someone could betray us, we might be able to grapple with it.  And so, we spend tremendous amount of our time, energy, and resources searching for something which most of us are never going to get.

And, even if we do,
 mostly likely it will bring a small measure of closure or comfort,
 but it will not heal the hole in our hearts.  

#2 - State of Worthlessness

Just as we start to find our way out of the fog of confusion, we enter in the State of Worthlessness. This is an incredibly complex and conflicted state.  Because we have invested, trusted, or believed in someone or something and we have done so because that person or thing is important or valuable to us, it is impossible to comprehend two important truths: we do not hold that same level of importance or value to the betrayer, and/or someone or something else holds more importance or value than we do. These painful realizations cut us to our core.

 We feel robbed of what we had, 
redefined from who we were, and
  relinquished to a lesser place (or position) than what we knew before. 

~ Robbed and Redefined ~

#3 - State of Powerlessness

As we are just climbing out of the well of worthlessness, we enter into the State of Powerlessness. This last state can and will feel very frightening. We don't understand all the craziness we are experiencing - one moment we are filled with anxiety, panic, anger, and energetic desperation. The next moment, we are filled with sadness, hopelessness, and fragile helplessness.  We find ourselves bouncing back and forth between two opposing forces: 

Feeling volatile - desperately trying to change or control our circumstances; and 
feeling vulnerable - paralyzed by how our betrayer has controlled, altered, or changed our lives. 

The 3 States of Being sound pretty depressing!  And indeed, they are!  Tragically, they can become increasingly debilitating and destructive, if we choose not to embrace recovery from them! I want you to know them and understand them so that you know you are not going crazy! I want you to know you are not alone!  We are in this together and there is hope and healing right at your fingertips! Trust in this...

Confusion is not a lifetime label..
Worthless is not a timeless title... and
Powerlessness is not a permanent placement...

Reclaim Yourself !

Grab hold of a copy of   Breaking Through Betrayal 2nd Edition - Amazon and begin...

Reclaiming your voice and your truths...
Reinstating your self-worth and self-respect...and
Making healing choices based on renewed strength and spirit.
Take this healing journey with me!

You are not alone! Take a listen as radio show host and media entrepreneur Cyrus Webb
discuss betrayal!
  Cyrus Webb of ConversationsLIVE - Breaking Through Betrayal

For  more healing tips and tools, visit Holli Kenley - Therapist, Author, Speaker
Follow on Twitter Holli Kenley
Stop by and "like" our FB page - Author Holli Kenley

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