WellnessWithHolli

* This post contains sensitive material appropriate for mature readers. In light of the recent revelations of pandemic sexual abuse and assault within prominent faith-based organizations and their ensuing cover-ups, it is important to remind ourselves that apologies to the victims are not enough. Although this post focuses on examples from within our military, the consequences endured and the steps for moving forward are applicable for victims from any form of institutional abuse.  O ver the past several years, we are hearing more and more about assault and abuse cases within professional organizations, as well as social, political, educational, and spiritual institutions where the culture of bullying and of extreme cases of abusive conduct and sexual assault have not only been cultivated and condoned, but they have been concealed by the very leaders and/or members who serve within them. It is within these Environments of Betrayal, that victims are frequently blamed for the

Depression . It pops up in the news, especially when we lose celebrities like  Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain . For a few days or a few weeks, there will be caring and compassionate conversation around their losses and the causal factors surrounding their suicides. News anchors, reporters, and experts are disclosing explanations around mental illness, past and present struggles with addiction, and various relational, financial, professional and personal life stress factors.  All of these are important. They should not be minimized. At the same time, as statistics illustrate a dramatic increase in depression and suicide rates since 1999, it is also important to consider environmental and social influences. With our reliance and dependence upon electronic devices dramatically increasing  for communication, entertainment, and social interaction,  are we becoming more disengaged from one another - more detached from human connection - and thus more isolated and depressed? Many exper

I always liked to write. But, I never considered myself a writer. I was a musician - first a pianist and then a flutist. From fifth grade on, my flute became my companion. I worked hard in my academics, but my flute was my future. I was going to play professionally, someday. As I entered college, I was eager to advance my musical talents and feeling quite confident about my academic abilities. However, because I had scored quite low on my SAT's, I was required to take Bonehead English. I was actually quite embarrassed by this labeling of intellectual deficiency and a little confused. After all, I had really good English grades in high school. I struggled through the class along with other students. The professor seemed to derive pleasure out of highlighting our inadequacies and shaming us further for falling below the University of California standards. I passed the class, but learned very little, if anything. I finished the next four years of college feeling quite academicall

We are discussing Betrayal. In week one, we covered  Feeling Stuck From Betrayal Injury? ; in week two, we dug into the meat of  betrayal discussing  Why Is Betrayal Injury So Painful?  ; and in week three we uncovered three important principles in our discussion of  How Long Will I Hurt From Betrayal?   If you have not already done so, please read those posts and then join us here as we discuss Why Do I Have To Make It Right?  The Betrayal Whisperer is here to help! If today's topic is sounding familiar, it is because we briefly discussed it in week one - Trap #1: Waiting for someone or something else to  make it right. Let's review why this thinking is a trap. This is the biggest trap that victims of betrayal fall into and it is a completely natural feeling to have. Although this is not the case for everyone, most individuals wait for the  betrayer  to come to his/her senses, to apologize, or to make amends or restitution. Other victims of betrayal may wait for rel

We are discussing Betrayal. In week one, we covered  Feeling Stuck From Betrayal Injury?  and in week two, we dug into the meat of  betrayal discussing  Why Is Betrayal Injury So Painful?   If you have not already done so, please read those posts and then join us here as we discover  How Long With I Hurt From Betrayal? The Betrayal Whisperer is here to help! Before we dissect the anatomy of betrayal to understand how some individuals are able to recover from betrayal injury in a relatively shorter period of time while others carry their wounds with them for months and even years, it's important to remember two factors: First, as we discussed in week one, many folks get stuck in the traps of  betrayal extending their stay in the pain-field.  Secondly, each individual's betrayal injury in conjunction with surrounding circumstances and  his/her unique personality; ego strength; underlying disorders, illnesses, or vulnerabilities; and access to support systems and resources p

We are discussing Betrayal.  In Week One, we discussed "Feeling Stuck in Betrayal? The Betrayal Whisperer Is Here To Help!!  Please read  Betrayal Week One and then join us in our discussion here. None of us plans for a betrayal.  Perhaps, if we could, it would be less painful because we would have the opportunity to prepare for it. However, that is part of the insidious nature of betrayal. It is completely unexpected, unimaginable, and undeserving. Thus, not only are we blindsided but we feel lost in its upheaval. What is going on? Why is betrayal injury so painful? The Betrayal Whisperer is here again to help! States of Being* Many folks have heard of the "stages of grief." When we experience loss of any kind, we move through the stages of grief such as  anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.* However, when we are betrayed, we move through three States of Being.* These three States of Being  describe not only what we are feeling and experiencing

It is so easy to feel stuck in betrayal.  Why? The very nature of betrayal tells us that you didn't do anything wrong.  Someone else or something else wronged you!  Therefore, someone or something else needs to fix it or make it right! Unfortunately, this kind of thinking is a trap and it will keep you stuck.  In order to start freeing yourself from betrayal, it is important to know the traps and how they are impacting you. Let's get started.  Feeling Stuck From Betrayal Injury?The Betrayal Whisperer Is Here To Help! Five Common Traps! Trap #1: Waiting for someone or something else to fix it or make it right. This is the biggest trap that victims of betrayal fall into.  As already mentioned, this is a completely natural feeling to have. Although this is not the case for everyone, most individuals wait for the  betrayer  to come to his/her senses, to apologize, or to make amends or restitution. Other victims of betrayal may wait for relatives, friends, or con

With the news coverage of the  secrecy and silence surrounding a plethora of sexual assault cases within a "closed system" (a USA gymnastics organization and a university) , it is important to revisit steps for   Proactive Parenting  in the protection of children and in the advocacy of victims. Taking Back My Life - People Magazine, Feb.19, 2018 For the purposes of today's  blog, we are going to focus on  Proactive Principle #2.  Visit  Proactive Parenting (full blog)   for  Proactive Principle #1 .  Tragically, because of on-going sexual assaults of students on our college campuses and universities, examples and statistics will be incorporated to illustrate specific concepts and principles. Proactive Parenting Principle #2    is a tough one - rarely discussed but critically important. Again, integrate it into your mindset and apply it to your parenting style. Here we go. Let's look at how we can protect our children and prevent them from being at risk in pre