WellnessWithHolli

On the last blog, I talked about the first three Stages of a Relationship : Stage One - Passion and Chemistry Stage Two - Power and Control Stage Three - Problem Solving and Compromise We are going to  move on the final two stages of a relationship, but before we do I just want to remind everyone that these stages typically occur in the order that I am giving them to you. However, because of transitions or crises or changes in your relationship, you will move back and forth into these stages and you may stay in some stages longer than you do others. This is to be expected.   Let's move on to Stage Four - Co-creativity and Mutuality.   Couples typically start to settle into this phase after they have been together for some time or at least after they have worked through Stage Two and are able to integrate Stage Three into their relationship with a level of ease.   It is my opinion that at the root of Stage Four is a key ingredient to healthy re...

Over the Valentine's Weekend, my husband and I had the pleasure of attending a beautiful wedding in the wine country of Southern California. A sparkling lake outlined with rows of vines served as the backdrop for the elegant ceremony. Listening to the vows laced with poetic verses and timeless scripture, I couldn't take my eyes off the bride and groom. Although they met in high school nine years ago and have been sweet-hearts ever since, their mutual love and respect for one another simply glowed. For a few minutes, my mind revisited the 5 Stages of a Relationship ~ and I thought of how this couple (although still young at 27) has successfully navigated through two of the most difficult stages.  Although there are hundred of books written on this topic, I am going to keep it simple...and short. The first Stage is the easy one. Most of us sail through this one! Most of us are familiar with Stage One - Passion and Chemistry.   This one does not need much explanatio...

Valentine's Day is almost here!  Are you ready?  More importantly, do you feel that your relationship is stronger now that we are constantly 'connected' through technology? Many couples that I have talked with, especially females, are experiencing a loss of connection with their partners even though they are interacting electronically throughout the day! Why might this be?  We'll take a look at why in just a moment, but for now,  I'd like you to Tech-Proof Your Relationship by taking a little quiz! Answer Yes or No. Remember, Yes means true most of the time . Be honest and don't over-think your responses! Also, when answering the questions on your technology habits and usage, we are talking about time spent on  any electronic device.  Also, any work time spent on technology is not included. However, this should not exceed 8 hours per day, 5 days a week. Not weekends!  OK, here we go! 1.  I spend more face to face time with tech...

I feel blessed to be living in the Information Age.  But....sometimes it is so crazy-making!Hundreds of different messages being thrown our way, every day!  Do some of these ring a bell? Drink lots of water every day.  But don't drink tap water.  Drink bottled.  No, don't do that either - there are chemicals in bottled water! Drink filtered water! Exercise every day for at least 30  minutes.  No, three times a week for 45 minutes is perfect!  Better yet, walk - dance - move - do something - what ever you can!   Eat six small meals a day!  No four!  Get rid of the carbs...no, eliminate the fats!!  No more red meat...wait, fish is bad too, especially bottom-feeders!  Coffee is bad...no, now  a little is ok.  Drink tea...but it stains my teeth!  Wine...ok...no, only if it's two glasses for males, one for females! Yikes!!  Am I experiencing Tug of War Wellness??  Enough alrea...

I have blogged about relapse so many times, but I think it is such an important topic - especially in the New Year. As most of your know, when I write or talk about relapse, I am not talking to just a few people, but to everyone! You see, I believe that each and every one of us has - at one time or other - regressed or fallen back into a pattern of unhealthy thinking, behaving, or feeling.   It  might be for a day, a week, a month, or even years. However, I think that when we do, most of  us struggle with uncomfortable emotions that range from embarrassment, guilt, and self- doubt to debilitating shame. Tragically and ironically, these very emotions are what keep us bound in our relapse episode. As we begin this New Year, I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle with relapse. I want you to know that after experiencing an extremely painful decline into emotional relapse, I gained a more empathic insight into relapse and a much deeper understandin...

For the past several weeks, we have been "letting go of stuff"!  This is a New Year and we want to cleanse ourselves of those people, places, things, emotions, etc. that bog us down and keep us from being in a well and whole place! In week one, we learned how to identify our "stuff' by completing a thorough self-inventory, and then in week two, we looked at some cognitive-behavioral strategies for "letting go of our stuff'! If you haven't done this yet, please start today.  If you are working on this, great!  Keep going....this is a process!  Go slowly and reward yourself along the way! Today, we are going to look at Step Three: In Letting Go...We Give Back To Ourselves. Step Three is  not really a "step" in the literal context of the word, but it is a critical concept of our renewal process in the New Year. Let me explain by sharing this short narrative. In my young adult life and all during my adult years, my dad maintained an extra...

In Step One: Letting Go of Stuff , I asked you to complete a little homework assignment!  Did you do it?  If so, great. If not, let's review.  Take some time -  think about and write down answers to these two questions: 1. What is working in my life? Who or what is contributing to my well-being - augmenting my wellness, enhancing my sense of worth and of self, and fueling me in healthy ways? 2. Along with that, what is not working for me? Who or what is depleting me - taking away my energy, draining my resources, and diminishing my capacity for inner peace, balance, and joy? I wanted you to list both the healthy and unhealthy items because sometimes we start beating ourselves up when we focus only on the negatives in our lives.  So, congratulate yourself for the positive influences, emotions, or behaviors that you embrace! Looking over your list of 'who or what is depleting me', there could be quite a variety of people, places, emotions/attitudes/feelin...