WellnessWithHolli

Last time we learned what is means to be codependent, and we examined  a couple of reasons as to why we are codependent. I want to stress that codependents are really caring, good people.  This is a strength! However, it becomes a weakness when we over-invest into others to the degree that we are spent! I also want to impress upon codependents that knowledge is power.  By understanding  what is going on with us and why, our healing begins!   Let's get started with two steps as we answer the question - Now what do I do? Shift in Thinking! First step - Shift in  thinking or mindset . This  may sound obvious but in order to begin your healing, it is critical that you make a shift in your thinking or mindset - acknowledging that what you are doing isn't working for you! If you still believe that you are responsible for saving someone else and that if you stop doing what you are doing, the other person won't make it on his/her own, you probably are n...

Last time, we started a discussion on codependency. We learned the following:  Codependency is when we over-invest into someone - all in an attempt to rescue, control, or to change that person and his/her behavior.  We also acknowledged that with most relationships, there is a natural give and take , and there are often circumstances or crises where one individual must move into a care-taking role for a period of time or for extended periods of time. However, when one person continues to forfeit his/her well-being, identity, and worth at the expense of another's lack of responsibility for their own well-being - this is codependency.    Today, we want to answer two questions - Am I Codependent and Why? Drained and Depleted I think we would all agree that it is good to be a caring, giving, and compassionate individual.  However, when we find that we are repeating a pattern of behavior that leaves us depleted and drained, we typically have crossed the line ...

This week, I was going to write about Relapse and Codependency as it applies to partners in a relationship .  However, because it is a complicated topic, I thought it  might be helpful to do a series of blogs on it and have a more in-depth conversation! There is a ton of really good information on codependency which I will reference in our discussion, but I want to give you some basic principles that I believe will  help you to understand codependency and will assist you if you are a codependent person and/or are in a codependent relationship with someone.  Let's get started! First, what is codependency? When we love or care about someone, we invest ourselves and our resources into that person. This is natural. How do we know when this becomes unhealthy? This is important. Let's take a look at this explanation of codependency. Over- Investment Codependency is when we over-invest into someone. Read that again.  Codependency is when we over-invest into s...

When I am discussing relapse, it is important to clarify that I am referring to any individual who falls back into or regresses into to a previous pattern of unhealthy thinking, behaving, or feeling. In other words, I am not speaking solely of issues of addiction;  I am talking about letting go of current healthy habits, rituals, practices, or ways of being and replacing them with thoughts, behaviors or emotions that are harmful to us. With this broad definition, it is not uncommon for most couples to struggle through a relapse episode of some kind. I'd like to touch upon two healing insights into how relapse impacts couples and then close with an informative and restorative interview I did recently with Dr. Karen Sherman, host of "Your Empowered Relationships". Hiding in Shame The first insight I want to share or to remind couples about is that when an individual relapses, regardless of the type or kind, there is an incredible degree of shame. This is important t...

On the last blog, I talked about the first three Stages of a Relationship : Stage One - Passion and Chemistry Stage Two - Power and Control Stage Three - Problem Solving and Compromise We are going to  move on the final two stages of a relationship, but before we do I just want to remind everyone that these stages typically occur in the order that I am giving them to you. However, because of transitions or crises or changes in your relationship, you will move back and forth into these stages and you may stay in some stages longer than you do others. This is to be expected.   Let's move on to Stage Four - Co-creativity and Mutuality.   Couples typically start to settle into this phase after they have been together for some time or at least after they have worked through Stage Two and are able to integrate Stage Three into their relationship with a level of ease.   It is my opinion that at the root of Stage Four is a key ingredient to healthy re...

Over the Valentine's Weekend, my husband and I had the pleasure of attending a beautiful wedding in the wine country of Southern California. A sparkling lake outlined with rows of vines served as the backdrop for the elegant ceremony. Listening to the vows laced with poetic verses and timeless scripture, I couldn't take my eyes off the bride and groom. Although they met in high school nine years ago and have been sweet-hearts ever since, their mutual love and respect for one another simply glowed. For a few minutes, my mind revisited the 5 Stages of a Relationship ~ and I thought of how this couple (although still young at 27) has successfully navigated through two of the most difficult stages.  Although there are hundred of books written on this topic, I am going to keep it simple...and short. The first Stage is the easy one. Most of us sail through this one! Most of us are familiar with Stage One - Passion and Chemistry.   This one does not need much explanatio...

Valentine's Day is almost here!  Are you ready?  More importantly, do you feel that your relationship is stronger now that we are constantly 'connected' through technology? Many couples that I have talked with, especially females, are experiencing a loss of connection with their partners even though they are interacting electronically throughout the day! Why might this be?  We'll take a look at why in just a moment, but for now,  I'd like you to Tech-Proof Your Relationship by taking a little quiz! Answer Yes or No. Remember, Yes means true most of the time . Be honest and don't over-think your responses! Also, when answering the questions on your technology habits and usage, we are talking about time spent on  any electronic device.  Also, any work time spent on technology is not included. However, this should not exceed 8 hours per day, 5 days a week. Not weekends!  OK, here we go! 1.  I spend more face to face time with tech...