WellnessWithHolli

Recently I gave a TED Talk - BETRAYAL: The Loss No One Is Talking About . At the beginning of  the talk I asked the audience two questions: "If you have ever felt betrayed, have you been told to give it time, to trust again, or to forgive? And if you tried any of those things, have you felt better....or bitter?" With over ten thousand hours in session as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working with clients healing from betrayal, I've heard from hundreds of individuals who have wondered why they still are stuck in the pain of their betrayal injury, even after they have forgiven their betrayer/s.  Based on years of researching and analyzing betrayal and on my professional experience, I believe Forgiveness Does Not Heal Betrayal. Here's Why. Healing From Betrayal - Concept #1 Practicing forgiveness may release the hold the betrayer has on you. But it does not heal the betrayal wound. I want to acknowledge that practicing forgiveness holds deep meaning in...

Recently, I finished reading  Tara Westover's powerful memoir, "Educated."  This blog is neither a review of her work or a critique of its content. It is about its offerings. I think one of the extraordinary gifts of "Educated" is Ms. Westover's willingness to share her story with raw and rarely revealed levels of vulnerability. I was completely taken by this book. Why?  Because "Educated" Reminds Us, Speaking Truth About Abuse Comes At A Cost. And, Tara Westover, chose to Speak It Anyway . Speaking Truth About Abuse Comes At A Cost Folks often question why victims don't speak up or why they don't speak up sooner about their abuse. Although there are many reasons for not doing so and individual circumstances vary greatly,   Tara Westover's memoir courageously unveils the costs of speaking truth about abuse and bravely unearths their painful consequences.  Let's explore three areas of cost: Being Shamed Being Shattered Bein...

Opening On February 14, 2018,  "Daughters Betrayed By Their Mothers: Moving From Brokenness To Wholeness"  was released. During the past year, one of the questions I’ve been asked is, “Holli, why would you write a book about mothers, daughters, and betrayal?” Others have inquired, “Are you angry with your mother?” My response is always the same.   It is because I am in a place of acceptance with my mom that I wrote this book.   It is because I’ve done the hard work of   healing many injuries and injustices in my life that I wrote this book. And, most importantly, it is because this book is not about blaming or bashing mothers. It is about Daughters. It is about Daughters who chose wellness over victimhood. It is about Daughters who did not get bitter; they got better. And in doing so, they came to a place of peace and acceptance – first with themselves and then with their mothers. One of the many lessons in  "Daughters Betrayed By Th...

As with so many issues of social/political justice or of wellness, the designation of a given day or month of remembrance, celebration, or call to action sometimes feels so inadequate in comparison to the magnitude of the  cause de jour. And certainly, Veteran's Day is no exception. With the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan coming to their respective conclusions and with the continual draw down and removal of troops from those wars, the physical as well as mental health needs of our military service members and veterans require an uncompromising commitment to and sustained support for our soldiers and their families. The Soldiers Project, named by the White House in 2011 as "One of the Nations Top 20 Military Service Organizations that Supports Military Families, was established in 2009 "to provide free psychological services to military personnel who have served during the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan and their loved ones". In addition to free and confidentia...