WellnessWithHolli

I'm Holli Kenley. I work in the field of psychology as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I am the author of four books on BETRAYAL, and I consider myself a thought-leader on BETRAYAL Trauma and how to recover from it.  My TED Talk  BETRAYAL: The Loss No One Is Talking About  was recently released. When we think of BETRAYAL, for most of us our minds go to issues of infidelity. Sadly, it has been my experience that one of the most common forms of BETRAYAL is not infidelity --  it is Parental Betrayal.  Currently in my private practice, all my adult clients have been victims of Parental Betrayal - p rimary caregivers (parents or guardians) who were encharged with loving and protecting their children and who failed to do so. In fact, for most of my clients their caregivers are the perpetrators -- individuals who   inflicted harm and abuse upon them. Or, caregivers were aware of their children being abused by a family member or relative (or other indivi...

Recently I gave a TED Talk - BETRAYAL: The Loss No One Is Talking About . At the beginning of  the talk I asked the audience two questions: "If you have ever felt betrayed, have you been told to give it time, to trust again, or to forgive? And if you tried any of those things, have you felt better....or bitter?" With over ten thousand hours in session as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working with clients healing from betrayal, I've heard from hundreds of individuals who have wondered why they still are stuck in the pain of their betrayal injury, even after they have forgiven their betrayer/s.  Based on years of researching and analyzing betrayal and on my professional experience, I believe Forgiveness Does Not Heal Betrayal. Here's Why. Healing From Betrayal - Concept #1 Practicing forgiveness may release the hold the betrayer has on you. But it does not heal the betrayal wound. I want to acknowledge that practicing forgiveness holds deep meaning in...

  Family Is Important and So Am I:  Part Three - Choose Your Sources of Respectful Support  and Loving Connection Today's blog is Part Three of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I. If you have not already read  Part One and Part Two , please do so and then return here. It is important to Choose Your Truth and Choose Your Health so that you can establish a solid foundation from which to Choose Your Sources of Respectful Support and Loving Connection.  This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselve s  still injured by family members .   Although we cannot change the unhealthy behaviors of others, we can choose our response to them.     L...

  Family Is Important and So Am I - Part Two:  Choose Your Health Today's blog is Part Two of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I. If you have not already read Part One , please do so and then return here. It is important to Choose Your Truth so that you can establish a foundation from which to Choose Your Health. This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselve s  still injured by family members .   Although we cannot change the unhealthy behaviors of others, we can choose our response to them.     Let's grab hold of another healing choice. It is time to stop hurting and… Choose Your Health As we have discussed in Part One, some families are heal...

Family Is Important and So Am I – Part One: Choose Your Truth Today's blog is Part One of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I Family.  A complicated topic.   Some are healthy. Some are not. Many treat one another with unconditional positive regard, love, acceptance, and belonging. Many do not.  Most families face all kinds of difficulties and life-altering disturbances. Compassionate and empathic family members come together, supporting one another and finding a way through their challenges. Sadly, there are many families who choose not to. This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselve s  still injured by family members .  Because families are quite comp...

The United States and most of the world are entering into the sixth month of the COVID-19 pandemic. Re-openings and returns to "normalcy" appear to vary greatly from country to country, from state to state, and from one locality to another. And with folks embracing differing belief systems around the nature of the virus and how they choose to live their lives, there is significant variance surrounding the degree of suffering from mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse / addiction. However, with most of my clients as well as with family and friends, many individuals seem to be struggling with one painful emotion on some level - loneliness.   For today's blog, I was going to give you a few tips or tools for helping with your feelings of loneliness. But, I think most of you know what you need. In addition, out of respect for your beliefs and the COVID guidelines within your area,  there are no "blanket" recommendations which wou...

Friendships!   What would our lives be without them? We develop friendships in the most natural of gatherings including our families, school, work, places of worship, service organizations, community causes, and sports interests. In more recent times, our network of friendships has grown exponentially as we connect with individuals in our cyber lives. Friendships meet all kinds of needs and serve us in all kinds of ways. Some are extremely important to us; others are less so.  With TV shows, media, and social networking redefining friendship, it can be confusing as to what healthy friendship is. Friendship is a critical component of many relationships, such as marriages or partnerships. However, for the purposes of   this series, we are focusing on any close friends currently in our lives.   These are friendships which may be relatively new or they may be longstanding. Either way, we have chosen to invest ourselves, our time, and our resources into these indi...

Secrets.  Just the word sparks our interest. Why? Because something is being kept from us or we are concealing something from others.  Although the word "secret" feels light and airy, it carries with it a mysterious weightiness which only its holder can attest to.  For today's blog, we are going to explore the anatomy of secrets - differentiating the good secrets from the bad, and more importantly, exposing the unspoken destructive characteristics which accompany a lengthy hibernation.  Lastly, I'm going to encourage you to respond to a few writing prompts. Because secrets are uniquely personal and private, we often learn best from our own experiences. The Good Secrets, of course, can be good.   They can be fun! It's planning a surprise baby-shower for a friend; it's not telling the rest of the family about your plans to propose to your partner (so no one else will spoil it); it's making the effort to show up at a special event for your be...