Family Is Important and So Am I : Part One - Choose Your Truth

Family Is Important and So Am I – Part One: Choose Your Truth

Today's blog is Part One of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I

Family.  A complicated topic.  

Some are healthy. Some are not.

Many treat one another with unconditional positive regard, love, acceptance, and belonging. Many do not. 

Most families face all kinds of difficulties and life-altering disturbances. Compassionate and empathic family members come together, supporting one another and finding a way through their challenges. Sadly, there are many families who choose not to.

This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselves still injured by family members

Because families are quite complex, these injuries typically stem from a wide range of causation including but not limited to the following:

* Family dysfunction

* Family division and unhealthy alliances

* Family disagreements and discord

* Family drama (blaming, gossiping, judging, and shaming)

 Although we cannot change the unhealthy behaviors of others, we can choose our response to them.    

Let's grab hold of three healing choices. It is time to stop hurting and…

Choose Your Truth

Over the years, clients have disclosed numerous reasons for continuing to engage in injurious family relationships. One of the most common is a belief passed down through generations:

Family is important.  

When this belief emanates from positive, healthy relationships with family, it deserves to be cherished. It is a sacred truth which bonds family together.

When this belief is embraced out of guilt -- out of shame-based responsibility for what others feel and think of you or out of fear of being labeled as disloyal, bad, or wrong  -- it deserves to be re-examined and re-worded to be in alignment with your beliefs. Stepping out of the shadow of family injury requires choosing your own truth. 

Try on a few of these and see how they feel.

Family is important and so am I.

Family is important and I matter too. 

Family is important and so is my wellness.

Family is important and so are healthy boundaries.

Before the pandemic hit, I began working with a wonderful female client on several grief issues. Once the lock-down was in place, two of her adult children moved home. There was a short honeymoon period, but after a few months, tensions rose. My client was worn out and stressed from waiting on her adult children: cooking, cleaning, and caregiving in ways far beyond her capacity. Adding to her fatigue, she felt completely disrespected by them.  Every time I addressed her "codependency" and the importance of taking care of her needs, she always responded, "Family is important. I don't want to hurt them."

Several months went by. Her energy ran dry and she chose to stop feeling guilty. One day in session she reported, "Family is important and so am I. I need to make some changes."  From that point, she began navigating from her new truth rooted in a healthy foundation of self-respect and self-worth.

Exercise: Take a few moments and think about your belief which is keeping you tethered to family members who are hurting you.  This may be hard and there may be more than one belief.  

Write it down.  Family is ___________________________________________________.

Examples: Family is all I have. Family is not perfect. Family is important. Family matters. Family can be broken but its mine.

Next, think about a belief which honors you and your feelings. Take your time. Write down your new truth. Start using it as a foundation for choosing you. It may feel awkward. Give it more time. Soon, you will begin believing in it and trusting it. 

Family is __________________________   and __________________________________.

As you are working on this exercise and when you feel ready, move on to Part Two.

Are you feeling your shift taking root? 

Are you experiencing the release and renewal of Choosing You?

Keep going and keep growing!

 Coming January 2022!

SHIFING Bravely: a Path to Growth, Healing, and Transformation

 For more healing resources, connect with...

Holli Kenley



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