WellnessWithHolli

As days turn into weeks, we find ourselves facing more and more loss during the COVID-19 pandemic. Even though there are small pockets of hope in certain areas of the world or in our own communities, most families are dealing with overwhelming stress, fear, scarcity, and uncertainty. Within the confines of living in close quarters combined with the restrictions placed upon us by the recommended guidelines, we are experiencing loss in every aspect of our daily lives. It is hard on adults; it is very hard on our children and our young adults. Staying Mentally Well During COVID-19 means sharing our disappointments and despair with one another.  And, it is important for each of us to talk about  how our grief feels and how it shows up. Because, Understanding Our Grief Helps To Move Through It.   Most of us are familiar with the five stages of grief as identified by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. However, over t...

Each day when we wake up, we face a harsh reality. The COVID-19 pandemic has robbed us from what we had, redefined us from who we were, and in many cases, relinquished us to a life we have never known before.We are filled with fear and anxiety. Stress keeps mounting. With so many things out of our control, we wonder how we will ever get through this. We turn to the experts on COVID-19, and our hearts and hopes sink a bit as we absorb the forecast.This virus is teaching us as we go along, and it is a bit of guessing game, even for those who are in the know.  Although our elders may not have all the answers, it's comforting to draw strength from their experiences with suffering. Most of us have had some experience with suffering. However, not many of us have lived through the sufferings of oppression, plagues, and wars which our elders and ancestors endured. Their stories of survival can teach us about sacrifice, strength, and survival.  Ask your elders to share their sto...

Yesterday, for the first time as a practicing Marriage and Family Therapist, I conducted my client sessions via Teletherapy. Due to do all of the changes during the COVID-19 crisis, I had not seen or talked with my clients for nearly two weeks. Although they were experiencing a wide range of emotions, the predominant one was grief. As one of my clients wiped her eyes, she shared, "Holli, I wake up during the night and I am just so sad." Before I could speak, she apologized for her tears. I responded empathically, "It's' okay to cry. It's healing to cry."  As much as most of us are trying to stay strong - for ourselves and our loved ones - our lives have been turned upside down in a very short period of time. We are experiencing loss on every level: personally, relationally, professionally, financially, materially, and so on. Not only is there chronic present-day loss , but there is fear and anxiety of anticipated loss. We don't know how long...

With the holiday season upon us, it is easy to feel anxious and stressed. There is much to do and not enough time to do it in. In addition, with worries around the costs of gift-giving and travel as well as meeting family expectations, our joy begins to slip away. To add to the tension of the holidays, stores are crammed with pushy shoppers and streets are filled with impatient drivers. Gosh, no wonder with each passing day, we feel more agitated and less appreciative of the season. Let’s take a look at how we navigate a happier and healthier mindset during Holiday Turbulence. 3 Easy Practices For Staying Balanced! Breathe and Hold Suspend Beliefs Be In The Moment Let’s begin with our first practice. Breathe and Hold You’ve probably heard about the importance to taking deep breaths when dealing with stress or anxiety. However, we’re going to change it up a little.   The exercise is as follows: 1) When you feel mad, tense, anxious, irritable etc., clo...

As the holiday celebrations continue over this month and into the next, let's remind ourselves about the two most common celebration saboteurs - our expectations and our losses. Although expectations are a natural part of who we are and are an outgrowth of the norms of families, if we cling on to them too tightly, they can cause us to be uncompromising and unforgiving. Also, because of past unhealthy experiences within families, unrealistic expectations can lead to more disappointment, hurt, and further complicate family dynamics.   This all causes stress! Honor our losses in healing ways. Secondly, whether memories surface of loved ones who have passed and whose presence is missed deeply, or there are reminders of relationships which remain unrepaired, or the emergence of personal or inner personal wounds are re-opened because of the triggers that accompany family gatherings, the profound and poignant presence of loss creates a stress that is deeply entwined i...

As the holidays are approaching, I am hearing the sounds of stress all around me!  This week on W4CY Radio , I will be discussing "Got Holiday Stress? Readjust, Release and Rejoice!"  But, for now, I wanted to share a true story about expectations - or what I call celebration saboteurs!  Great Expectations? After hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my family and my sister’s family for a dozen or so years, both families decided that we needed to make some changes. Our kids were in college and it was becoming harder and harder for everyone to get to one place. In 2001, my husband and I did not host Thanksgiving dinner; instead, we were invited to my husband's niece's home with all of her  family. We were excited to see everyone and it was not too far of a drive, only about an hour away. After inquiring about the number of people and the time of dinner, I asked how we could contribute. We were asked to bring a ham.  When my husband and I arriv...

Although Veteran's Day is just behind us, I would like to continue acknowledging and honoring the sacrifices that our  military members and Veterans have made and are making. For those who have returned home and for those yet to return, many will fight on - battling their visible and invisible wounds of war.  One of the organizations which has been dedicated to providing free and confidential mental health treatment to military service members and Veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts and their extended families is  The Soldiers Project . The Soldiers Project (TSP) is a non-profit group of volunteer licensed psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and marriage and family therapists who give of their time and services to help our wounded warriors, their spouses/partners, and their families heal. Although most couples and families face many challenges within their relationships, military members and their families are confronted with unique circumstan...

With the holidays upon us and as we are faced with a  myriad of expectations regarding familial traditions, customs, and gatherings, for many it is often a time of internal struggle and stress. Family allegiances and history pull at our heart strings while personal betrayals and private injuries beckon our need for protective distancing. Some time ago, I had the privilege of viewing a remarkable independent film entitled Shouting Secrets.  This powerful film reminded me of  a secret whispering -  a truth often neither acknowledged or acted upon - it's ok not to go home. Directed and produced by Korina Sehringer, a Swiss movie maker, Shouting Secrets opens an emotional and psychological window into the lives of a family in turmoil, especially as the loving matriarch falls ill. Although the story embraces the rich cultural heritage of a Native American family on a reservation in Arizona, the producer has gone to extraordinary lengths to avoid typic...