Holiday Turbulence: 3 Practices For Staying Balanced

With the holiday season upon us, it is easy to feel anxious and stressed. There is much to do and not enough time to do it in. In addition, with worries around the costs of gift-giving and travel as well as meeting family expectations, our joy begins to slip away. To add to the tension of the holidays, stores are crammed with pushy shoppers and streets are filled with impatient drivers. Gosh, no wonder with each passing day, we feel more agitated and less appreciative of the season. Let’s take a look at how we navigate a happier and healthier mindset during Holiday Turbulence.

3 Easy Practices For Staying Balanced!

• Breathe and Hold
• Suspend Beliefs
• Be In The Moment

Let’s begin with our first practice.

Breathe and Hold

You’ve probably heard about the importance to taking deep breaths when dealing with stress or anxiety. However, we’re going to change it up a little.  The exercise is as follows:

1) When you feel mad, tense, anxious, irritable etc., close your eyes (if you can) and take in one long deep breath. Count to at least 4 as you are breathing in.

2) Next, HOLD the breath for at least 4 seconds.  As you are holding your breath, concentrate on your how your chest feels. You will probably sense a tightness. Don’t think about anything else, especially negative stuff.

3) Then, release your breath slowly. As you are doing so, count to at least 4 and feel the tightness of your chest relax.

4) Next, take two to three natural breaths.

Then, repeat steps 1-3 again and as many times as needed.

The beauty of this exercise is that when breathing this way (with the holding period), your heart rate will lower.  This, in turn, helps to calm your emotions and relax your body, especially as you move through tense situations.

For example, the other day I was in a long, crowded mix-mash of cars waiting to get into a lane for gasoline at a large wholesale provider. Within a few minutes, the situation was getting dangerous as cars entering from a busy cross street could not get around the growing line of cars at the station. Folks started honking their horns and raising unpleasant hand signals at others who could do nothing about the situation. Tempers started to flare and a few people started shouting. Within a few more minutes, the lines began to move and the problem rectified itself. The disrespectful behaviors exhibited by many of the drivers could have been avoided completely by taking a few deep breaths, holding, and releasing. They missed the opportunity to relax, wait patiently, and move through the turbulence without expending negative energy.

In any situation, when you find yourself starting to feel tense, stressed, or angry, ask yourself, “Is this worth it?” “What am I going to gain by being upset?”

 

Then, BREATHE and HOLD. And, RELEASE.

And remember...

 When you are gentle with yourself, you will most likely be gracious to others.

Let’s move to our second practice.

Suspend Beliefs

During the holiday season, we hear a lot of talk about universal peace and unconditional love. And yet, it is during this same season where we often become more intolerant and judgmental, aligning ourselves more closely to our beliefs while arguing against those of others. While it is important for individuals to advocate and celebrate their individual beliefs and values (political, spiritual, etc.), when gathering together for the holidays, it is wise to suspend those beliefs temporarily for the well-being of the whole. This does not mean you forsake your opinions. It means you demonstrate the importance of your time with family members and friends who may be unlike thinkers/believers by choosing to engage in conversation and connection which is neutral territory for everyone. In other words, you make a commitment to yourself in advance not to enter into turbulent waters.

Looking back on the many holidays with my family of origin, because there were strong differences in beliefs, there were numerous times where conversations around politics and religion became very heated.  Unfortunately, the harmony within our family celebrations was greatly diminished, with folks becoming more entrenched into their “camps of thought.”

Staying in balance during the holiday season means taking on the intentional action of suspending your beliefs. If you find yourself dreading the possibility of family conflict or 

walking on eggshells during holiday gatherings, try the following:

1) Make a commitment ahead of time to suspend your beliefs. Keep them to yourself.

Share this with others in your family unit so everyone is on the same page.

2) If conversations move to a potentially charged topic, respectfully redirect the conversation (change to a different topic). If it continues, redirect again.

3) If it still continues, move to an “I” statement and set your boundary.  For example, “This holiday, I’m choosing not to engage in any topic which might take away from our special time together.”  Or, “I care about you and our time together. So, let’s talk about all the good things in our lives.”

After a family gathering or celebration which has gone smoothly, reflect upon the aspects which contributed to it. Make a mental note to incorporate those practices as well.

Remember....

 Holding onto your beliefs is important.  

Temporarily suspending them demonstrates your belief in the importance of family.

Let’s examine our last practice.

Be In The Moment

We have been hearing a lot within the last few years about the importance of mindfulness. Although there are long explanations and detailed rituals which can be incorporated into this meaningful practice, for our purposes we are going to keep it simple.  As we are anticipating stressful events of the holiday season or find ourselves in the midst of its chaos, we can choose to Be In The Moment, which is the essence of mindfulness.

To Be In The Moment means that in any circumstance and at any time we chose not to allow anything negative, upsetting, or emotionally depleting to take away our joy. Instead, we choose to focus on something positive, uplifting, or emotionally fulfilling.  No matter how turbulent the waters are, we can be consumed by momentary and meaningless disturbances or we can be grateful for the windows of wonder in front of us.

Let’s take a look at a few examples.

1) When you are waiting in a long shopping line, focus on other individuals in the line.  Think about who those persons might be, what they mean to their family, or what gifts they are buying and for whom. Soak in the spirit of universal compassion and human connection.

2) Within a family gathering, avoid complaining about the food, unsavory relatives, or “things not being the way you like them.”  Practice being grateful for the time you have with special individuals. Sit with them. Talk with them. Look into their eyes and connect.

3) If you are traveling during the holidays, practice observing the beauty of all the different surroundings. Even if the weather is challenging and the delays put a dent into your plans, focus on being together as a family and appreciating one another.

4) If holidays are difficult because of loss or individuals who are no longer with you, take time to honor them in ways which are meaningful to you.  Be In The Moment With them as you celebrate traditions and rituals.  Share important memories of them. And then, focus on those who are with you presently.

5) And perhaps, most importantly, as you are in the midst of holiday turbulence, remind yourself that life is fragile and fleeting. We never know when something tragic may affect our loved ones or us. Focus in on the precious nature of each individual and of the many blessings which you enjoy each day. Lastly, Be In The Moment and be grateful for each one we have.

Remember...

Being in the moment quiets the noise around us. 

Being in the moment centers and realigns us with what is really important.

In closing, although we most often can’t control turbulence which comes our way during the holiday season, we can decide how we respond to it. By choosing to Breathe and Hold, Suspend Beliefs, and to Be In The Moment, you bask in the beauty of staying balanced.

Wishing You...

Happy Holidays and Wellness in the New Year

Holli Kenley