WellnessWithHolli

  For most of my adult life, I have dealt with pesky skin spots and minor skin growths. A trip to the dermatologist has always remedied these nuisances with a quick freezing or a simple shaving .   Unfortunately, over the past fifteen years, the basal cell carcinomas which were easily treated on my back, legs, and upper chest began to surface on my scalp. While recuperating at home the last few days after an eighth surgery on my scalp, I am well-aware that my journey with skin cancer thus far may not be as life-threatening as with individuals who are suffering from other kinds of cancer, chronic illnesses, or serious conditions. Nonetheless, I believe in the concept of shared suffering and in the healing connections which draw us together.   Therefore, my message is two-fold. I have learned that I am not be able to control the progression or the outcome of living with skin cancer. However, I can embrace a mindset of self-compassion. Let’s explore three healing pro...

I have been working in the field of psychology as a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years. In my work with clients healing from all kinds of abuse, trauma, and betrayal, I have never heard the words a client spoke to me a few weeks ago. They shook me to my core.   "I WAS BORN INTO SHAME"  As I do with most of my clients who are healing from painful wounding incurred within their families of origin, I tenderly begin by helping them peel away their Outer Layers of Shame.  The Outer Layers of Shame are the messages we tell oursleves about ourselves, our worth, and our value. These messages are formed from our life experiences.  You see, even though their injuries and injustices were inflicted upon them, it is human nature for victims to feel responsible, to feel it is their fault, and thus, to feel tremendous Shame. It is common to hear these life messages from clients: "I am not enough. I don't matter. I'm to blame. I am worthless." And so, it was d...

Week Two - Self-Shaming: External Causes In week one of our series, we examined,  " Self-Shaming: Increasing Our Understanding," We learned that Self-Shaming is the cognitive and behavioral practice of self-devaluation which manifests as the result of feeling shame or being shamed by someone or something. Although there are other manifestations of Self-Shaming behavior, we focused on the intrusive presence of our self-deprecating life-messages which fuel and feed our feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy. We also discussed how Self-Shaming thrives in secrecy and silence, as individuals are fearful of disclosing their true feelings for risk of being further blamed and judged. As we move into week two, “Self-Shaming: External Causes," this is important.   Given any sensitive or tender topic such as Self-Shaming, it is often difficult to examine sources of our pain. It requires that we remain open, as we courageously face the truths around people, place...

Week One - Self-Shaming: Increasing Our Understanding Healing Begins By Increasing Our Understanding Shame.   Just the sound of the word is heavy.   Shame .   It is laden with debilitating emotions which cause most individuals to recoil at its emergence into our lives.   Renowned researcher and author  Dr. Brene' Brown   has courageously tackled the topic of shame and brought it into the comforting light of conversation. Dr. Brown defines shame as the following: “The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” (blog, 2013/01/14) In examining the definition of shame more closely, it is important to focus on Dr. Brown's  words: “The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy...” When individuals internalize the belief that...

* This post contains sensitive material appropriate for mature readers. In light of the recent revelations of pandemic sexual abuse and assault within prominent faith-based organizations and their ensuing cover-ups, it is important to remind ourselves that apologies to the victims are not enough. Although this post focuses on examples from within our military, the consequences endured and the steps for moving forward are applicable for victims from any form of institutional abuse.  O ver the past several years, we are hearing more and more about assault and abuse cases within professional organizations, as well as social, political, educational, and spiritual institutions where the culture of bullying and of extreme cases of abusive conduct and sexual assault have not only been cultivated and condoned, but they have been concealed by the very leaders and/or members who serve within them. It is within these Environments of Betrayal, that victims are frequently blamed for...

*  Please note - this blog contains sensitive material. Suggested for mature audiences. In our previous blog Energy Zapper #5: Shame! Taking Shame Out Of Its Shadows!  ,we discussed the unique anatomy of shame and its three sources of causation – betrayal by someone, betrayal of someone, and betrayal of self. To get the most out of today’s blog, please go back and take a read. And then get ready to move on to part two:  Shame! 3 Healing Rays for Re-Emergence!    As we move out of the shadows of shame, let’s remind ourselves of what shame is through this acronym. S = Self H = Hatred A = And M = Malignant E = Embarrassment Read it again ~   Self -Hatred And Malignant Embarrassment ~ It’s a heavy emotion. It’s dark and debilitating. And, left unattended, it smothers one’s body, mind and spirit. How then, do we begin to re-emerge from shame?As we start, read and ponder this healing acronym. S = Shared H = Healing A = An...