WellnessWithHolli

I have been working in the field of psychology as a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years. In my work with clients healing from all kinds of abuse, trauma, and betrayal, I have never heard the words a client spoke to me a few weeks ago. They shook me to my core.   "I WAS BORN INTO SHAME"  As I do with most of my clients who are healing from painful wounding incurred within their families of origin, I tenderly begin by helping them peel away their Outer Layers of Shame.  The Outer Layers of Shame are the messages we tell oursleves about ourselves, our worth, and our value. These messages are formed from our life experiences.  You see, even though their injuries and injustices were inflicted upon them, it is human nature for victims to feel responsible, to feel it is their fault, and thus, to feel tremendous Shame. It is common to hear these life messages from clients: "I am not enough. I don't matter. I'm to blame. I am worthless." And so, it was d...

  Family Is Important and So Am I:  Part Three - Choose Your Sources of Respectful Support  and Loving Connection Today's blog is Part Three of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I. If you have not already read  Part One and Part Two , please do so and then return here. It is important to Choose Your Truth and Choose Your Health so that you can establish a solid foundation from which to Choose Your Sources of Respectful Support and Loving Connection.  This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselve s  still injured by family members .   Although we cannot change the unhealthy behaviors of others, we can choose our response to them.     L...

Family Is Important and So Am I – Part One: Choose Your Truth Today's blog is Part One of three-part series: Family Is Important and So Am I Family.  A complicated topic.   Some are healthy. Some are not. Many treat one another with unconditional positive regard, love, acceptance, and belonging. Many do not.  Most families face all kinds of difficulties and life-altering disturbances. Compassionate and empathic family members come together, supporting one another and finding a way through their challenges. Sadly, there are many families who choose not to. This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.  And in spite of their levels of wellness, these individuals find themselve s  still injured by family members .  Because families are quite comp...

Oprah Winfrey  and  Prince Harry have produced a new series on mental health - "The Me You Can't See"  If  the words, "the me you can't see" speak to you in any way, I encourage you to watch this powerful series. If you're feeling like an imposter or unseen because you are hiding behind your hurt, the stories of shared suffering in "The Me You Can't See" will connect with you in ways which you may not have felt before.   Inspired by the series, today's blog is a personal message to you. Because of the stigma and shame around the fragility of our mental health, many of  us walk around with emotional and psychological wounds thinking it is better to pretend that nothing is wrong than to admit our lives are not working for us in the ways we have dreamed of and desired. I hope today's blog will encourage you to share your feelings and allow yourself to be seen.  Although there are many reasons why individuals don't seek help or de...

For the past eleven years, Co-Founder of  Creative Change Conferences “It Happens To Boys” Carol Teitelbaum, LMFT, has   provided a safe platform for bringing healing to an invisible and deeply injured population in our societies - men who were sexually traumatized as boys. Male presenters of notoriety and men known only to those who are blessed to know them unveiled their narratives of past abuse and ensuing recovery, dismantling normative destructive life-messages of what is it “to be a man” and reconstructing new life-messages based on honesty, compassion, and self-love. As each presenter told his truths, each emphasized the importance of breaking through the cultural and societal barriers of toxic masculinity, unwritten norms which define adherence to male gender roles and restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for boys and men. Thus, on a warm fall day in October 2019 in Southern California, USA,   individual professionals in the mental health field, recovery or...

Week Four - Self-Shaming: Its Impact On Us For the past several weeks, we have been discussing “Self-Shaming.” In week one, "Self-Shaming: Increasing Our Understanding,"  we explored our Self-Shaming life-messages – the internal dialogue we say to ourselves about our lack of worth and value.   In week two, "Self-Shaming: External Causes,"   we learned that the genesis of many of our Self-Shaming life-messages comes from Primary Care-Givers, Environments of Betrayal, and Social Media. However, in week three, "Self-Shaming: Internal Causes,"   we also learned that Self-Shaming life-messages evolve from Our Beliefs, Our Choices, and Our Unworthy Attachments. We acknowledged that there can be cross-over with any of the areas of causation. In order to get the most from this series, please read each of the articles   and implement the Reflective Exercises at the end of each one. Then, join us here for “Self-Shaming: Its Impact On Us.” Let’s beg...

We are talking about friendships! For the purposes of this series, we are looking at healthy friendships as a necessary component of any relationship such as a best friend, a family member, a co-worker, or a life-partner. In week one, we examined the first important quality to consider in developing and maintaining healthy friendships – EASY . In order to get the most out of our series, please return to week one and read how three essential characteristics are necessary in order for friendships to be EASY :  Authentic, Honest, and Trustworthy. Today, we are moving onto the second quality to consider in cultivating healthy friendships – Equal. Are my friendships EQUAL ? Equal?   That seems really strange, doesn’t it? Yes.   When we think of the word equal , definitions such as identical, alike, uniform, and the same come to mind.   However, in our discussion of friendships, the quality of being equal is defined quite differently.   Equality in a fr...