Staying Mentally Well During COVID-19: Avoid Comparing Your Losses and Carrying Around Guilt
In our most recent post on Staying Mentally Well During COVID-19, we discussed how Understanding Our Grief Helps To Move Through It. If you have not already done so, please read through those healing concepts and then join us here for one more very important aspect of honoring our grieving process: Avoid Comparing Your Losses and Carrying Around Guilt.
The COVID-19 pandemic safety guidelines and restrictions were rolled out many weeks ago. Even with variances in their implementation and regulation, loss has occurred and continues to occur on every level and in every aspect of our lives. As we witness individuals lose their loved ones, our hearts break for them. As folks are let go from their jobs and are left standing in long lines for hours waiting for food, we help when we can and we wonder if support funds will reach them in time. And although most of us are making sacrifices of some kind, every day we witness families who are struggling with housing, food, and employment. In the quiet recesses of our minds, we compare our "less significant losses" to theirs and we self-guilt. While we must continue to hold compassion and empathy for the losses others are enduring, we must also give ourselves permission to share the truths about our own.
Several weeks ago, I was working with an elderly client who was really struggling with her guilt over feeling sad and disappointment regarding the cancellation of several important events she had planned: one last cruise for her ailing husband and her; attending a granddaughter's college graduation; and having the honor of being the "wedding planner" for another granddaughter whose nuptials were to take place in the fall. I listened as she softly spoke, "Holli, I feel so fortunate. My husband and I are safe at home. We have plenty to eat. We've had such a wonderful life. And, when countless families are suffering, I feel guilty for complaining that we will not be able to experience these important events." I gently reminded my client of the following:
Every loss is important. Every loss is experienced differently. Every loss holds a special and unique meaning. You have every right to grieve it. Your well being depends on it.
As COVID-19 continues to impact our lives, it is important to acknowledge the losses your family is experiencing. Whether it is the loss of a wedding, graduation, prom, hanging with school friends, summer camp, family gatherings, birthday or anniversary celebrations, vacations, and yes....even school, talk about what you miss and how you feel. Whether it is a big loss or a little loss, share your sadness and disappointments. If you're angry or resentful, get that out too. Grieve it, without comparing it and without self-guilting. And when you are ready, put on your thinking cap and brainstorm ways you can celebrate, substitute, or recreate the lost experience in safe and meaningful ways. Then, without any further hesitation, just do it!
Believe and Be Well
For more healing posts in this series:
It's Healing To Cry
It's Soothing To Soak
It's Comforting To Draw Strength From Our Elders
Understanding Our Grief Helps To Move Through It
The COVID-19 pandemic safety guidelines and restrictions were rolled out many weeks ago. Even with variances in their implementation and regulation, loss has occurred and continues to occur on every level and in every aspect of our lives. As we witness individuals lose their loved ones, our hearts break for them. As folks are let go from their jobs and are left standing in long lines for hours waiting for food, we help when we can and we wonder if support funds will reach them in time. And although most of us are making sacrifices of some kind, every day we witness families who are struggling with housing, food, and employment. In the quiet recesses of our minds, we compare our "less significant losses" to theirs and we self-guilt. While we must continue to hold compassion and empathy for the losses others are enduring, we must also give ourselves permission to share the truths about our own.
Every loss is important. Every loss is experienced differently. Every loss holds a special and unique meaning. You have every right to grieve it. Your well being depends on it.
You'll be surprised how joy will seep in and begin filling those empty spaces left by loss.
For more healing posts in this series:
It's Healing To Cry
It's Soothing To Soak
It's Comforting To Draw Strength From Our Elders
Understanding Our Grief Helps To Move Through It
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