WellnessWithHolli

I have been working in the field of psychology as a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years. In my work with clients healing from all kinds of abuse, trauma, and betrayal, I have never heard the words a client spoke to me a few weeks ago. They shook me to my core.   "I WAS BORN INTO SHAME"  As I do with most of my clients who are healing from painful wounding incurred within their families of origin, I tenderly begin by helping them peel away their Outer Layers of Shame.  The Outer Layers of Shame are the messages we tell oursleves about ourselves, our worth, and our value. These messages are formed from our life experiences.  You see, even though their injuries and injustices were inflicted upon them, it is human nature for victims to feel responsible, to feel it is their fault, and thus, to feel tremendous Shame. It is common to hear these life messages from clients: "I am not enough. I don't matter. I'm to blame. I am worthless." And so, it was d...

  Week Five -  “From Self-Shaming To Becoming Enough: Healing” For the past many weeks, we have been discussing Self-Sh aming. In week one, "Self-Shaming: Increasing Our Understanding"   we explored our Self-Shaming life-messages – the internal dialogue we say to ourselves about our lack of worth and value.   In week two,  "Self-Shaming: External Causes" , we learned that the genesis of many of our Self-Shaming life-messages comes from Primary Care-Givers, Environments of Betrayal, and Social Media. However, in week three,  "Self-Shaming: Internal Causes" we also learned that Self-Shaming life-messages evolve from Our Beliefs, Our Choices, and Our Unworthy Attachments. We acknowledged that there can be cross-over with any of the areas of causation.   In week four "Self-Shaming: It's Impact On Us,"   we explored how Self-Shaming can be a contributing factor to our Psychological, Physical, Inner Personal, and Relational wellbeing. ...

Week Four - Self-Shaming: Its Impact On Us For the past several weeks, we have been discussing “Self-Shaming.” In week one, "Self-Shaming: Increasing Our Understanding,"  we explored our Self-Shaming life-messages – the internal dialogue we say to ourselves about our lack of worth and value.   In week two, "Self-Shaming: External Causes,"   we learned that the genesis of many of our Self-Shaming life-messages comes from Primary Care-Givers, Environments of Betrayal, and Social Media. However, in week three, "Self-Shaming: Internal Causes,"   we also learned that Self-Shaming life-messages evolve from Our Beliefs, Our Choices, and Our Unworthy Attachments. We acknowledged that there can be cross-over with any of the areas of causation. In order to get the most from this series, please read each of the articles   and implement the Reflective Exercises at the end of each one. Then, join us here for “Self-Shaming: Its Impact On Us.” Let’s beg...

Week Three: Self-Shaming: Internal Causes Thus far in our series on Self-Shaming, we have discussed  "Self-Shaming: Increasing Our Understanding"  and  "Self-Shaming: External Causes .“ In order to get the most from this series, you are invited to read weeks one and two, and then join us here for week three, “Self-Shaming: Internal Causes.” To refresh our understanding of Self-Shaming, we have defined it as the following: Self-Shaming is the cognitive and behavioral practice of self-devaluation which manifests as the result of feeling shame or being shamed by someone or something. In our discussion, we have focused on our Self-Shaming life-messages - the internal dialogue we say to ourselves about our lack of worth and value. Although the genesis of many of our “Self-Shaming” life messages comes from “External Causes” – Primary Care-Givers, Environments of Betrayal, and Social Media – it is important to examine internal causation as well.   ...